JAKE FOGELNEST

This week my friend Horatio Sanz will be hanging out with me on my radio show on Sirius XM.  He’ll be in every day at 10:00 AM ET starting Tuesday on Sirius XMU (Sirius Channel 26 / XM Channel 43).

Horatio’s new TV show “Big Lake” starts Tuesday at 10:00 PM on Comedy Central.  I’ve seen three episodes so far and it’s hilarious!  Take a look:

The show also stars Chris Parnell and Chris Gethard.  It’s produced by Will Ferrell and Adam McKay.  Yup.  Everyone involved with “Big Lake” is totally awesome.

Also, I’m doing the monologues at Asssscat tomorrow at the Upright Citizens Brigade Theatre in New York.  Always a great time, come by if you’re around!

An open letter to Devo and 5®React™ Gum,

Thank you Devo. Never did we think for a moment the rescheduling of your Coachella webcast was your fault. I blame the people at 5®React™ Gum. Shame on you gum pushers. How dare you disseminate false information in turn suppressing Devo’s musical message. Gum merchants be damned!

What is chewing gum anyway? Nothing but a threatening menace if you ask me.

American humorist Adam McKay once observed in a satirical film for the National Broadcasting Company’s “Saturday Night Live” television program that “Gum is not a food.” It was a statement made on screen by beloved character actor Steve Buscemi. I think we can all agree on the importance of that and it brings up a valid point.

Gum is not a food. Gum is worthless distraction. Gum is chewed by cheerleaders in an intimidating manner. Drunk drivers use gum to cover the smell of alcohol from their breath after running over your dog. Did you know they are even now manufacturing gum with nicotine in it? Gum is not only NOT a food, but it’s not your friend either. Gum is an enemy. A clever one at that.

In these uncertain financial times spending your hard earned dollar on something as utterly disposable as chewing gum is downright irresponsible. We must spend our money wisely! What you purchase should provide you with satisfaction. Who has ever been truly satisfied with a piece of chewing gum? Once you get past the initial burst of flavor all that’s left is a gelatinous blob loitering in your mouth. Not only is it disgusting but it also wastes time.

I urge all of you to use any discretionary income you’d normally spend on gum to purchase the new Devo album. Devo has given us true satisfaction time and time again. Devo is more than a gelatinous blob. We’re ALL Devo.

It’s time for something fresh. It’s time for Devo. Say NO to 5®React™ and the entire chewing gum industry.

Faithful Devo Consumer,

Jake Fogelnest

Related video: “Gum is not a food.”