JAKE FOGELNEST

A girl that added me to MySpace recently sent me the following message:

To: Jake Fogelnest (jakefogelnest@myspace.com)

OMG fuck offff

Naturally my feelings were hurt. :(  Why would someone that took the time to add me on MySpace and Facebook send me such a hostile message?  I wrote her a response.

To: Mean Teenage Girl (xxxxxxx@myspace.com)

If you’d like to be removed simply delete as a friend. You added me.

Thanks,

Jake Fogelnest

She responded:

To: Jake Fogelnest (jakefogelnest@myspace.com)

Either way, please fuck off.

PS:/ idgaf for future reference.

To which I replied: 

To: Mean Teenage Girl (xxxxxxx@myspace.com)

You have obviously sought me out. 

And by the looks of it - you’ve been on my friends list on both MySpace and Facebook for quite some time before you decided to tell me to fuck off (and hurt my feelings).

Will you please articulate your feelings beyond the asinine teenage slang of “IDGAF?”

Come on (NAME WITHHELD) - explain your reasoning behind going out of your way to add me on Facebook and MySpace and then telling me Fuck off months later! I’m extremely curious.

:D

-JF

Her answer:

To: Mean Teenage Girl (jakefogelnest@myspace.com)

Oh, who the fuck cares who added who? I have like 3k friends. It isn’t like you’re anyone special. I added you for NO reason, get the fuck over it. Kay thanks.

My response:

To: Mean Teenage Girl (xxxxxxx@myspace.com)

For no reason? So you do you randomly go up to people on the street and tell them to fuck off? Where’s this hostility coming from, XXXX? I’m concerned about you.

Is there a counselor at school you can talk to? What is your relationship with your Father like? XXXX I want you to know that despite your anger and aggression towards me I know there’s a really good person inside just waiting to come out. So what if people think you have a big nose? That’s superficial teenage bullshit.

It’s going to be okay XXXX. I promise!

Your friend,

Jake Fogelnest

P.S. How excited are you for “Eclipse?” I can’t wait!!

Her reply:

To: Jake Fogelnest (jakefogelnest@myspace.com)

I actually have gone up to random people on the street & told them to fuck off, also some far worse things. I’m not currently in school. I’m going back to FSU in two weeks. That’s a college if you weren’t aware. Anger? Why? Because I told you to fuck off? Okay, hahahah! You’re such a moron, and yet you’ve made this far funnier than I’d planned. So, thanks (: Twilight is a fag-fest.

PS:// Fuck off! Fuck off! Fuck off! Fuck off! Fuck off! Fuck off! Fuck off! Fuck off! Fuck off! Fuck off! Fuck off! Fuck off!

My latest message: 

XXXX,

You should really try to channel that random anger and hostility into something more positive.  Why would you go up to random people on the street and assault them?  They’re just trying to live their lives.  

Do you have any type of spiritual guidance in your life?  A higher power?  If you’d like, I’d be more than willing to pay for you to take some courses at the local scientology center in your town.  I’m not sure if you’ve heard about Scientology but it’s pretty interesting stuff!

 Congratulations on College by the way!  That’s a positive step in the right direction.  I am concerned about your choice of Florida State University.  It’s got a pretty wild reputation of a party school and I’d hate to see you go through the whole abortion thing for a third time!

I couldn’t help but notice that you’re also a member of my “fan group” on Facebook.  Now I can understand you adding me as a friend on two social networking sites to boost your friend count, but why join my “fan” group?  It’s okay XXXX — I understand your emotions are all twisted up.  I remember what it’s like to have a teenage crush. <3

Your BEST friend,

Jake Fogelnest

P.S. Do you like the Twilight books better than the movies?  This may be a controversial opinion but I like the movies better! LOL!  

This was the last message…

It has nothing to do with anger, it’s just funny. 

I’ve heard of Scientology. I’m down w/ a lot of it but some it not so much. And if by spiritual guidance you’re referring to religion, it has been illegal to charge for that sort of benefit for many, many years. 

I’m in my second year of college and I like FSU fine. I’m pretty sure you could proclaim any school in the country a “party school” if you’d disect it enough. I’m doing honors there, and to lessen future confusion you should know that I wear a promise ring. Therefore I am a virgin and have nothing to abort. 

I think Twilight’s a sad excuse for a movie. Granted I’ve seen both 1 & 2, I’ve never read the series and don’t feel it can be defined as a loss of any kind.

Once I read she was “down” with a lot of Scientology and wears a “promise ring” I suddenly lost all interest in continuing our conversation.  However if any of you are interested in talking to a boring virgin with no sense of humor currently attending Florida State University let me know and I’ll put you guys in touch!