Dear Doug Herzog,
It’s your old friend Jake Fogelnest. Thank you for putting me on TV all those years ago. That really worked out for me. I understand things are going well for you too! I hear that you’re now like, the President of Show Business… or something! So cool!
Anyway, the reason why I’m writing is this: I think you should let me reboot “Remote Control.”
It would be awesome. I’m the only man for the job. I promise I wouldn’t fuck it up. I don’t have to host it, but let me run the thing. I’d make it great. You don’t have to put it on MTV. Look, I know a snarky pop culture game show can’t bring in the same ratings as screaming pregnant teenagers. But, I believe there’s room in this world for both.
You can put it on VH1 or MTV2 or even on the Internet. We’ll make the show for like a dollar (of course) and you’ll feel proud that a cool thing you did years ago has found a new life with a new generation.
Please let me, Jake Fogelnest, bring back “Remote Control.”
The show will still take place in Ken Ober’s parents’ basement. We will recreate the exact same set. Things will continue on as if “Remote Control” has been happening continuously in Ken Ober’s basement since 1987. The questions will reflect modern pop culture, there will be new bits, but the spirit will be the same.
Holy shit the new version of “Remote Control” is gonna be awesome!
Of course, there will be critics ready to tear apart the new “Remote Control.” That’s exactly why I’m writing this to you publicly instead of sending you an e-mail (which your assistant would totally ignore). All snarky journalists writing about the new “Remote Control” would have to include in their stories that I wrote you this impassioned plea on the Internet. They’d be forced to comment on how you were SO inspired after meeting with me that you decided I was the only man for the job and gave this thing a shot. This thing Is being done with only the best intentions and did I mention that I’d make it SO fucking awesome and I’m the only man for the job?!
If Joe Davola has time, I would like him to produce this thing too. Joe, I always liked you and I was really bummed when you left MTV just as I was getting there. Mike Dugan, you were always nice to me producing “SQUiRT TV” back when I was an out of my mind teenager! By the way, I’m 32 now! LOL! Wanna come help put together a new version of “Remote Control” for like NO money? Look, Doug and I are gonna do this thing anyway, so it would be really great to have both you guys on board. Also, I’ve never really been a showrrunner before and could really use your help.
Oh and Colin Quinn, I promise you that we totally wont bother you about it. The only thing I ask, is after we do a few of these things and we send them over to you, please come by at least ONCE for “Sing Along with Colin.” If you watch the show and you think it sucks, I promise I’ll never bother you about it again. I’m just really confident that it WONT suck and will be really awesome. Plus Joe Davola and Mike Dugan are totally on board and you’ll get paid a lot more this time.
Doug, I look forward to hearing from you. I can be reached on my home telephone number (646) 484-5323. You can also tweet me: @jakefogelnest. Let’s talk soon!