James Cameron Came To My Apartment After The Oscars.
I had kind of a rough night.
Around 3:45 AM my apartment buzzer started going off. Some asshole was hitting it over and over again in that annoying “shave in a haircut” rhythm. I opened the door to find a really drunk and hostile James Cameron standing in my hallway. He was NOT in good shape. Cameron burst into my apartment, sweating and talking a mile a minute. He seemed really pissed off, ranting incoherently about his ex-wife.
When I asked him the perfect logical question of how he managed to get from the Oscars in Los Angeles to my East Village apartment so quickly, he grabbed me by the shoulders and shouted, ”RICH PEOPLE HAVE DIFFERENT RULES!!!”
Cameron walked over to my desk and began pouring a mound of coke out. ”I swiped this from Quentin!” he exclaimed proudly.
It was at this point I was really starting to wonder why I had let James Cameron into my apartment in the first place. I had never met James Cameron before. Ever. I’m not even particularly a fan of James Cameron. Don’t get me wrong, I think he’s a fine director and everything. But having him in my apartment, doing blow in the middle of the night after just losing at the Oscars was a bit much. Honestly, the whole thing was a little frightening.
“Hey, let’s make a movie!” Cameron shouted. “Let’s make a movie right now! Take your shirt off!”
At first I refused his request. However James Cameron is a very persistent man and a powerful director. He can be amazingly convincing when he’s passionate about something. Even more convincing when he has access to a taser gun, which was the case in this situation.
“TAKE YOUR SHIRT OFF!” he screamed, zapping the taser. Cameron then broke into maniacal laughter for a solid seven minutes. I’m pretty sure it was laughter. It could’ve been tears. I’m honestly not sure if he was laughing or crying. it was this high pitched, girlish whimper. Very disconcerting.
Cameron took out one of those Sharpie markers and started to put all these little red dots all over my chest.
“Mr. Cameron,” I asked nervously. ”What are you doing?”
“Motion capture!”
Before I knew it, James Cameron shouted “Action!” and was filming me with his cell phone.
“Pretend like you’re running away from a giant bear! No! Pretend like YOU’RE the giant bear and you’re running away from a space dragon!”
That’s when I heard a loud “pop” sound. James Cameron stopped suddenly in his tracks, fell to his knees, slumped over and passed out — COLD. Sticking out of his ass was a small tranquilizer dart.
I turned around to see a large biker dude with a ZZ top beard casually walking into my apartment, whistling. The biker gentlemen bent down, picked up James Cameron and threw him over his shoulder.
“Sorry for the trouble.” the Biker said and then calmly left my apartment with a comatose James Cameron.
I locked the door and went back to sleep.
Rough night.
LIVE WEB SHOW TONIGHT @ 7:00 PM (EST)
I do a live web broadcast from my apartment every Friday at 7:00 PM (EST). Call-In LIVE at 646-484-5323. Watch it here: http://www.stickam.com/jakefogelnest
It’s way more fun to interact with rather than just watch. Go to my Stickam page here: http://www.stickam.com/jakefogelnest
Have something to say? Join the chat room filled with maladjusted teenagers!
Have a webcam? Throw yourself on screen! Young ladies take note: the “age of consent” in New York is Seventeen and strictly enforced!
Also check out this thing where you can ask me questions anonymously and read my answers. People are getting weird and pervy on it and it’s fantastic: http://www.formspring.me/jakefogelnest
Yes, Jake Fogelnest is live on the web… because the internet is awesome!
As some of you may know, I am a disc jockey on Sirius XM satellite radio. I can be heard every morning from 6:00 AM - 12:00 PM (EST) on indie rock station, Sirius XMU.
In an effort to make things easier and more efficient, I recently suggested we only play ONE song on Sirius XMU:
Glenn Frey’s, “Smuggler’s Blues.”
It’s on the soundtrack to the 80’s television series “Miami Vice.”
I believe streamlining our playlist to nothing but the song “Smuggler’s Blues” would take a lot of pressure off the audience. I know I personally get overwhelmed by all the different music choices out there. Simplifying the programming on our station to just the Glenn Frey song “Smuggler’s Blues” would make things a LOT easier for both the listeners and the Sirius XMU staff.
I’m not gonna lie. This idea was met with some initial resistance by both Sirius XM management and our subscribers. However I think in due time this innovative new one song, “Smuggler’s Blues” format will be embraced by all.
I’m excited to announce that Sirius XMU will become the all-new “Sirius XM Smuggler’s Blues Radio” on Sunday, March 14th!
Step 1: Get a bear costume.
Step 2: Enter webcam chat rooms.
Step 3: Dance around in the bear costume.
Such a great idea. Well done, sir!
LIVE WEB SHOW TONIGHT @ 7:00 PM (EST)
I do a live web broadcast from my apartment every Friday at 7:00 PM (EST). Call-In LIVE at 646-484-5323. Watch it here: http://www.stickam.com/jakefogelnest
It’s way more fun to interact with rather than just watch. Go to my Stickam page here: http://www.stickam.com/jakefogelnest
Have something to say? Join the chat room filled with maladjusted teenagers!
Have a webcam? Throw yourself on screen! Young ladies take note: the “age of consent” in New York is Seventeen and strictly enforced (so lame!).
Yes, Jake Fogelnest is live on the web… because the internet is awesome!
Jake Fogelnest LIVE Web Show at 7:00 PM (EST)
I am broadcasting a live web call-in show on Stickam. Watching this little box here is only part of the fun. Head over to the main page on Stickam and enter the chatroom. Feel like opening yourself up to mocking and ridicule by a bunch of bored disinterested teenagers? Grab one of the six webcam spots and put yourself on screen!
Jake Fogelnest LIVE on Stickam Friday Night at 7:00 PM (EST)
Last weekend I went on the awesome Stickam website and did a live web chat. I put my home phone number on the screen so people could call in and chat about whatever. Just like the old days of Manhattan Public Access - only on the internet… and with less ads for phone sex.
The thing was, with like zero promotion and no advance notice, over 100,000 people viewed the thing. That is what I like to refer to as totally fuckin’ crazyballs. So, I’m going to do a regular web show starting this Friday at 7:00 PM (EST). It will go until at least 10:00 PM, maybe longer - depending on how much awesomeness is going on. Feel free to call in at (646) 484-5323. You can enter the chat room or login to Stickam and join in on one of the six webcam slots. Go to: http://www.stickam.com/jakefogelnest
Hope to see you Friday at 7:00 PM (EST)!
My home phone number is 646-484-5323. Watch this and give me a call!
Read about how I gave my home phone number out on Twitter!
Seriously! I did! This article appeared on Examiner.com over the weekend:
Jake Fogelnest wants you to call him for a chat.
About 45 minutes after I started up this “project,” one of the many many phone calls I got was from the writer of that piece, Jessica Costello. She asked if she could interview me, I figured, Why not?” and twenty minutes later, she had that article online. Thanks, Jessica! You work fast!
Since this whole thing has turned out to be so much fun, I’m totally going to keep it up. Keep checking here and my Twitter page for updates.
To those of you who didn’t get me on the phone live but left a voicemail, I owe you a call back! You’ll be hearing from me soon - promise!
And yes, it really is my actual home phone number: (646) 484-5323
Hope to speak to you soon!
