Saw the epic cinema masterpiece that is PIRANHA 3D last night. Fucking awesome flick! I did wonder what happened to my pal Paul’s character but luckily he’s provided some answers!
PIRANHA 3D TALKBACK!
WHAT HAPPENED TO YOUR CHARACTER, ANDREW, IN PIRANHA 3D?
In a debate that surely will live on for years like the infamous discussion of whether or not the top fell or keeps spinning at the end of Inception. This surely will keep film scholars up at night for many years.
So I’ll try to set the record straight….
ANDREW CUNNINGHAM, the Wild, Wild Girls camera man/boat driver/and all around bon vivant is present aboard the Wild Wild Girls yacht for pretty much the entirety of the film and then suddenly disappears. No death scene, no remorse, just gone erased from existence.
Most people assume, that my death, which was sure to be epic, was cut from the film in a choice purely dictated by budget, time and believability.
Other people surmise that THEY might have been too high at the time of viewing…and simply missed the death scene.
Others still have hypothesized that my character escaped to Sand Island and is sure to play a major role in the Direct to DVD sequel, PIRANHA 3D2: The Legend of Andrew’s Gold or PIRANHA 4-D: CHRISTMAS BREAK!
Since film is up to interpretation…I’ll give you a few options and you can decide what to believe or make up your own…
OPTION #1: Andrew is a Piranha.
Yup. He orchestrated this entire event. Many years ago his piranha DNA was fused with a human, he took human shape in hopes of one day coming back to Lake Victoria to unleash his pre-historic pals on an unsuspecting populace and once again reign as king of the water!
OPTION # 2: Andrew is an Amazing Swimmer
Andrew, a high school swim champion, assesses the deadly situation and immediately jumps overboard. He quickly swims to Sand Island narrowly escaping being eaten alive by Piranha, unfortunately they take his foot, so for the rest of his life he’ll have a limp that reminds him of his dead friends with every step. Fortunately he has video footage of the entire massacre, which he sells for a hefty fee to every possible news outlet, he writes a book that shoots to number one on the best seller list, and a movie is made of his story. Andrew lives a life of opulence but is haunted by the ghost of Derrick Jones. Together they begin solving other worldy crimes together in the television spin-off GHOST P.I.’s. (a lot of the investigations start in girl’s locker rooms)
OPTION #3: TIME TRAVEL
Andrew’s son is an aspiring scientist in the future who invents time travel for the sole purpose of saving his dad. Andrew’s son, Andrew Jr., saves his father in the nick of time from certain death. However when they get back to the future, the world is a nuclear wasteland. The Butterfly effect has occurred. Now Andrew and his son live hand to mouth hoping to find home but they are captured by aliens. Who force Andrew Sr. to teach them how to make soft core alien porn.
OPTION #4: CGI IS FUCKING EXPENSIVE
Sometimes a movie runs out of budget in the post process and leaves major unfinished scenes on cutting room floor. That one is actually too unbelievable.
Rest assured this is the ONLY plot hole in the entire film. Everything else is grounded in 100% reality.
1 week ago
